感謝する {kansha suru}

Japanese was the first language I studied consciously; I mean studied, chose to study, pored over. I was twelve. I got books out of the library, bought as many dictionaries as I could save up money for. The mark of a good Japanese dictionary, to me, was its definition of the verb 'to be,' which was a hard concept for me to understand (it's a copula in Japanese). I spent hours lying on my bed, making careful translations of old books from the library's used-books store.

When I went to college, the thought of not majoring in Japanese never crossed my mind. It was automatic, and in the same way I never thought of the five credits every semester as part of my 'real' courseload. My brain just assumed I'd be doing 5-7 hours of Japanese class per week. That was a given. I loved studying the language--I had amazing teachers and a great set of peers, many of whom I was lucky to get to work with all four years, as the program was very small.

When I was in high school, my favorite Japanese word was enryo (遠慮), which means something like to deny yourself something or to restrain from something out of deference to others. The concept appealed to me (and my teenage becoming-a-nun fantasies, maybe? An Audrey-Hepburn-styled nun, of course).

But when I was at the university, I learned the verb 感謝する (kansha suru). It means to give thanks, but the helping verb (する), is the verb 'to do' in Japanese. I loved that--the action-ness of thanking. To do thanks.

That is what I want to do here: I want more than just to give you my thanks for your support, for your many, many emails and offers of help and publicity and donations and advice about insurance and everything. I have had tears in my eyes every time I've opened my mailbox to see all your words. I can't thank you enough, words don't seem sufficient--I want a stronger verb than 'give.'

Thank you so, so much. I am humbled and touched and in your debt, happily.