on doing more
I think the biggest difficulty creative work poses to me is the potential that's inherent in it. I'm talking about the thing that continually generates ideas, makes connections, gets me interested in new things and keeps me wanting to make. This is a paradox, of course, since that potential is the fuel for creative work as well.
The 'could'--as in, I could make a new bag for myself, and it could be the most perfect bag ever; or I could go and work on my manuscript; or I could read some Derrida or any of the other books on my worktable, and then write what would assuredly be a brilliant addition to my dissertation; or I could make a drawing--usually comes when I'm at a peak in the energy/creativity/mood swing barometer. And on the good days, it's a spur to do something, which is useful and healthy for me. It can prompt new work, new ideas.
On the bad days, 'could' is an overwhelming word. Things I know I love and want to do--my desires--start to feel like pressures. I feel all my interests vying for time, I lose my ability to prioritize (and, with it, my routine, usually). I overthink and overdesign projects without getting them off the ground. The end result is often a headache and a petulant hour or two reading craft blogs.
I'm trying to be more aware of my own tendency to let possibility overwhelm me--to keep the fact that the things I do are really a privilege (how many people can say they read and write for a living, and in their spare time make some drawings and sew the occasional skirt?) in mind and to remember that this is a life I've chosen with my eyes open. I'm learning how order helps (and hinders) my work and how to use it better--thank you, Google calendar. I'm trying to remember that 'could' means just that--potential, not requirement. And when those voices that say do everything! do it now! start up, I want to remember that even then I have a choice--and that often, for me, choosing to do less--and do it in a thoughtful, holistic, deliberate way--is healthier and more productive than bending the the compulsion to always do more.
The 'could'--as in, I could make a new bag for myself, and it could be the most perfect bag ever; or I could go and work on my manuscript; or I could read some Derrida or any of the other books on my worktable, and then write what would assuredly be a brilliant addition to my dissertation; or I could make a drawing--usually comes when I'm at a peak in the energy/creativity/mood swing barometer. And on the good days, it's a spur to do something, which is useful and healthy for me. It can prompt new work, new ideas.
On the bad days, 'could' is an overwhelming word. Things I know I love and want to do--my desires--start to feel like pressures. I feel all my interests vying for time, I lose my ability to prioritize (and, with it, my routine, usually). I overthink and overdesign projects without getting them off the ground. The end result is often a headache and a petulant hour or two reading craft blogs.
I'm trying to be more aware of my own tendency to let possibility overwhelm me--to keep the fact that the things I do are really a privilege (how many people can say they read and write for a living, and in their spare time make some drawings and sew the occasional skirt?) in mind and to remember that this is a life I've chosen with my eyes open. I'm learning how order helps (and hinders) my work and how to use it better--thank you, Google calendar. I'm trying to remember that 'could' means just that--potential, not requirement. And when those voices that say do everything! do it now! start up, I want to remember that even then I have a choice--and that often, for me, choosing to do less--and do it in a thoughtful, holistic, deliberate way--is healthier and more productive than bending the the compulsion to always do more.
posted by Eireann at
10:01 PM
5 Comments:
Mmm, I *do* understand the way it all tumbles about like a load of wash, each bit of you vying for another hour or two at a particular task. Fortunately, I do not have the talent that you have (grin), so it is rarely time "lost." Just time spent doing other things. I tend to follow my whims, which is naughty, especially when my whims have me reading more than writing, and right now, I need to write write write and get the darn thesis out of my hair.
In other words, I hear you.
yes exactly.
as a great architect once said,
"less is more".
ah, there's that fox!
love from MKE
ld
ah yes - duality. it's part of the whole process, huh?
yes. all around.
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