Things to do

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chess pawn | jasmine

forget-me-nots

dormer window | light

At the risk of jeopardising it, spring is here: we’ve had warm, sunny days (enough sun to wilt the tomatoes in the makeshift greenhouse we built if we forget to water them for a day), there are flowers everywhere (we’ve moved through daffodils and tulips and apple- and cherry-blossoms into the realm of bluebells and forget-me-nots and iris and azaleas). Asparagus. Visits to a friend’s allotment. Open windows. Short sleeves. Next weekend we’re going to London (yes, it’s that weekend, but we’re going to try to avoid the festivities) and I’m excited to get to walk around in neighborhoods we’ve gotten to know over the last few years, try out a new place to eat, and just enjoy the city in the spring.

* * P.s.: 1110 is still shipping at 40% off with the code ‘iwanttotry’ at checkout; yes, that applies to subscriptions, too (they’re in the shop now). Thanks for all the orders!

* * P.p.s.: it is now tomorrow, and heavily grey, with a big wind. And it’s 10°C, a whole 15°C cooler than yesterday. This is why one is not to utter the S-word in England between the months of March and June. Damn.

let the beauty we love be what we do

Sometime last year, I was thinking about the work I love, poems I see from friends, colleagues, old classmates, poems in journals, magazines, newspapers. I was thinking about the magazine as an object, thinking about stuff that’s been happening lately with big magazines (closing) and smaller ones (popping up online & off like inspiring mushrooms. Yes. Awesome simile prize, please). Okay, so none of those are exactly what I was thinking of for me, but they’re interesting, I like many things that they do, and–most of all–they are out there, making magazines and books. I wanted to add to that conversation and I wanted the work I admire to add to it, too.

I thought, all right, that’s what I want to do. I want to be able to take work I love and put it together and give it an elegant, careful home with other stuff to talk to. I want to arrange things in conversations I find interesting and think others will, too.

Basically, I wanted to make a magazine that would be an extension of the things I value: good work, care, play, attention to the daily; I wanted it to contain writing that would be challenging and beautiful. And most of all I wanted it to be something that people who might not otherwise pick up a literary journal would feel like they could approach.

1110 / number 1

So I made it. It’s called 1110 (say it one-one-one-oh), and you can read all you want to about it over on its very own site. It’s been a lot of learning: how to use InDesign. How to request revisions (over email! I hate this part). How not to get bogged down under the (literal) hundreds of submissions. How to plug my ears when the inevitable naysayers walk by doing their naysaying thing, which, come on, really is about them and not about me (and certainly not about 1110, which they’d have had to have read or even just picked up once before I’d take that seriously).

It’s got ten poems, a short story, and a photograph in it. In the UK, it’s £10, including shipping. If you’re in the US, it’ll set you back just over $20, (also including shipping), but if you’re reading this and would like to have a copy, enter the code “iwanttotry” at checkout and you’ll get 40% off your copy (til next week Monday or Tuesday).

table of contents | 1110/1

I’m working on putting 1110/2 and 1110/3 together now, relearning all the InDesign I apparently forgot and finding new writing I love. Discovering just how apt VIDA‘s statistics are–it’s one thing to read things and have a sense that women are underrepresented, and another to read someone’s statistics confirming that, and another still to realise as I cull submissions that barely one in ten (ONE in TEN!) comes from a woman. Lesson there, talented women writers and photographers: please submit to my magazine.

What’s all this about, in the end? Because it’s not just about–or even primarily about–sourcing papers or designing die-cuts or publicising or even finding the work for in the magazine.

I think it’s about two things: first of all, the lesson I keep learning (keep having to learn) about how lucky I am that most things I want to do, I can do. I set out, I work hard, and I’m in a privileged position (no dependents; generally healthy; supported financially by doing work I love and morally by a partner who doesn’t have a problem with me doing my work despite its financial constraints; surrounded by people who care about what I care about and generally share my politics) that means I can accomplish those things.

cover | 1110/1

Second, it’s about the rich reward I’ve found in focusing my energy on the things that I really love, regardless of their ends being unsure. I know that it’s possible all my work will disappear–that I’ll run out of energy, or grant money, or whatever, and 1110 will just fade away to a couple of boxes of spare copies in some attic. But I also know that now, in this moment, doing the work of making another beautiful thing from the beautiful work of others is my way of kissing the ground. I believe kissing the ground in all of our ways–all our individual, often unnoticed, ways of caring for all the fellow-beings we meet–is a way to honor these lives and the lives of the ones we don’t see.

< stadsring

I like the feeling of reading, knitting, in public. It feels somehow subversive even though taken on their own these are not necessarily controversial activities. To be doing something that one ‘doesn’t do’ in public. To do something other than tune out the people around me via my iPod. To open myself up to the possibility of conversation. Or just to offer an image of someone doing something else in public so that there are an increased number of things one might do in the company of ‘strange’ others. My brother took this picture in Ghent in December. I was reading Tim O’Brien’s book If I Die in a Combat Zone.

books | papers

Thinking about big forms: book forms. About what is required for or what requires that form. No doubt this is an effect of the PhD, which skulks about in the shadows like an overgrown teenager, forcing me to confront the fact that at this point I can write thing longer than a page (my standard MFA-disclaimer was that I wrote poetry for lack of an ability to carry on past the page divider). And that I do write these long things. And that I enjoy it. A long poem I began in July (just after the conference) is complete in its first draft now. And my dissertation, despite being something that continually recedes into the distance (mirage-dissertation), is happening. Writing academic work is not ‘easy’ for me–by which I mean it feels like work, it tires me out. But I do enjoy it. It’s exhilarating. Working through ideas that I can’t fully grasp feels like translation did when I was a kid lying on my bed translating SailorMoon single character by single character. Physically exhausting and euphoric.

Thinking about the form of the book, about what can go into it that the page can’t contain. About how books’ forms lend themselves to narratives of many kinds. Thinking about making books again (with the help of the beautiful paper cutter I recently got via freecycle–I think it must be from the 1930s or so) and teaching people how to make books. The disposability of books, their ephemerality. The non-preciousness it’s possible to feel for the object in multiple (and the complexities of this).

Yes, thinking about these big forms, I’ve started reading novels again. Conscious of them. Trying to see how they are made. There’s a link to my ‘fun’ reading (not all novels) in the header if you’re curious. That’s what I’ve read since July (excluding stuff for my dissertation). Then there are two novel lists: one for after the PhD (a very short list of very long books–A la récherche etc. by Proust, and Ulysses by Joyce), and one for now (Cloud Atlas, by David Mitchell; If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler, by Italo Calvino; Austerlitz, by W.G. Sebald; Suite Française by Irène Némirovsky; Lolita, by Vladimir Nabokov; Life: A User’s Manual, by Georges Perec; Nadja, by André Breton; Hopscotch, by Julio Cortázar; Love in the Time of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez; and Moby Dick, by Herman Melville). I’ve got a copy of Home by Marilynne Robinson to read as well, though it didn’t make it onto the list(s)–which are more like syllabi for classes I want to teach myself. Anyone out there able to suggest ‘magic realist’ or surrealist or quasi-surrealist novels by women writers?

NO NEW THING UNDER THE SUN

I found her on a morning in London, outside the Royal Academy. Exactly what I like. Her dainty dress and shoes and posture. Her uncontrollable head. That’s all for now.

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